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lyrics

If I was a gumshoe
I’d advise you not to hire me
All I do all day is search the wrong locales
For misinformation

I’ll take a case, hypothesize
Invent a lead and follow it down
That picture on the wall I’d say
Proves the dead man loved to look out
But it’s a hotel room
And the man who died didn’t sign the guestbook

I’m the world’s worst detective
Imagining adultery in vivid wrenching tones
The bedroom scenes
Flash in my dreams
But that’s the only place that they exist
What if what if what if
What if what if

So take care if you partner up with me
All the others haven’t lasted long
I’d point out a clue and say here’s what we do
They’d stare at me jaw dropped on the floor

And any dame any day
Walkin in the smoky room will make me swoon

And pretty soon the river runs away
That marigold is really a bullet hole
That night she wasn’t where I thought she was
That night I wasn’t who I thought I was

I’m the world’s worst detective
Imagining adultery in vivid wrenching tones
The bedroom scenes
Flash in my dreams
But that’s the only place that they exist
What if what if what if
What if what if

credits

from The Poor Man's Only Music, released July 26, 2019

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Lee Bones Catskill, New York

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